Want to give up

[Shelley]

Don't want to be negative but feel like I have held so much in, noone understands.  I am looking for help in Nashville area - Neuropsychiastrist if anyone knows of one.  I had a closed head injury (two skull fractures and brain bleed) along with damage to spinal column.  Most people look at me and I do not look much different after my outside healed but I am not the same.  I feel like I a prisioner and the emotional pain is so much that I resort to cutting myself for relief.  I am thankful for being alive but its a constant struggle, trying new things to improve my health, financial, had to take disability and currently under review (every 3 yrs) and I have to explain or prove my illness.. How to explain all the things I lost, can't do, the fatigue that plagues me, the fact I forget things cannot go on my son's field trip because I cannot be in crowds or around the noise.  I hate this... I wanna give up...

[admin]

Shelley
The first thing to know as you begin your journey living with TBI is that getting better takes time. Don't give up!
Living with TBI requires setting priorities. This means setting goals that you can achieve in the short term and the longer term. Trying to do everything at one time is counterproductive to succeeding in your goals. Many research studies of outcome following a TBI suggest that good social support from families, friends and other resources is critical in how well individuals recover.

[Shelley]

Thanks for your response, my pitaful sounded post is after so much attempts at trying to navigate this very compounding disability.  I know my family is doing the best they can but I was always the go to person, always productive so it is hard for them to accept my limitations and that I no longer fit the family role I was born into.  I have tried to accept my limitations and more forward but it seems like it always comes back to remind me that I can no longer do what I once did with ease.  Again just thanks for response that someone heard me.

[momcaregiver]

So sorry things are so hard right now for you.  My son Jim is not even close the point of recovering any memories or to recognize his severe limitations.  It`s my greatest fear that someday he might and will be faced with the troubles  that led him to this demise.  I try to stay hopefull that someday he might be able to have that second chance and inturn be able to help others believe that everyone is deserveing of the love and respect that life has to offer.  Sending good thoughts your way to be able to stay focused in your recovery and to be and do anything you set your heart to.  Till next time....Ruth

[admin]

Believe me when I say that your family knows what you’re going thought and they will step-up and accept your limitations. My son’s (Donny Winn) TBI has been 5 years and we see improvement daily, but most important is he sees it also.

Were so happy you found this Forum. The information and support here is a breath of fresh air.

Keep the faith.

[Shelley]

Ruth... My heart goes out to you and your son.  I am proof that life can improve from where it was...  it is just so challenging.  I am 40 yrs old married with four children, three minors.  I just know that God will see me thru.  There are days when I feel good, blessed and have found new things to be involved in but with brain injury there is always dark days.  When I see and hear stories I feel so ungrateful.  I pray for you and thanks for your time to hear my story.  I appreciate it more than words can say.

[Demi]

We here understand Shelley, we understand!

[Demi]

I'm sorry Shelley but you don't get to give up, then the rest of us should as well

I walk on eggshells wondering when my brain will 'shut down' on me again...but I refuse to give up! no no dam way!  Learn what your symptoms need..rest?  meditation?  breathing excercises?

and just do it

to mom caregiver, how is your son?  Does he post on here?

[momcaregiver]

Demi,  Thanks for asking bout Jim.  No Jim doesn`t participate in forums, besides all the cognitive issues he also has ataxia and it makes typing not so good.  I sometimes play around with the mouse(left and right clickers blocked) with the on- screen keyboard with him on facebook.  This usually can produce readable type. He`ll anwser questions if he knows it but sadly he is only capable of asking things such as, how old he is, or what year is it.  His speech isn`t very good either making video chat not an option.  This last couple weeks I did hit on a good thing to help with his walking ability though.  I had put little heel lifts in his shoes so that he has to keep his toes down as they are usually in the up position sending his balance off even further.  This worked well and so we purchased a new pair of boots, work boots with a bit of a heel and also put the lifts in them.  They also have a bit wider base than his sneekers also helping in the balance dept.  Heres a link to Jim in action.   http://youtu.be/FCuUSXww0lE
Anyhow, thanks again for asking and I hope everyone has a great day!  Ruth

[Demi]

    sending you and Jim my huggs I am going to go look now!

[Fighting4Empathy]

You joined this forum on a good day...for a good reason. You didn't want to lose. I want to let you in on a little secret. Life is not about winning, it's about not losing. And as far as those of us dealing with TBI's go...not losing is what I personally feel to be most important. Don't let go of whatever brought you here...it's worth the fight, I promise.

There are only two outcomes for people like us. The same two options everyone else has, actually...success or failure. When it comes to those with TBI we can succeed merely by not failing. It's a win by default...those count too, ya' know.

[momcaregiver]

Well said....

[brokenbrilliant]

Shelley,

One thing I do that keeps me sane is keeping track of the good things I have in my life. When I am down, I make myself come up with a list of a few things that I am grateful for. Gratitude really does help my attitude. There will always be down days, and you are not alone in cutting to relieve the pain (I don't, but I know people who do). There are other ways to relieve the pressure -- getting some exercise is a big one. It helps me a LOT.

The important thing is to find something bigger than yourself and bigger than the immediate situation to give yourself and your attention to. Some people find religion, some people find volunteering, some people focus on their families.

But most important of all -- are you getting enough rest? Dealing with TBI really takes it out of you, and I find that when I am tired, nothing will lift my spirits. Make sure you rest enough and don't let others push you to keep up with their pace. A good night's sleep can do wonders.

Hang in there!

[drambuie_62]

I suffered my trauma almost 50 years ago, but only learned of it a few months ago. My life was a living hell, to put it mildly....but at the same time, i am beginning to feel 'blessed' by the experience overall. Since learning my 'truth', i have realized that like any disability, once you 'accept' the losses you start noticing the gains. Similar to the way a blind person's hearing becomes more acute, the dark cloud of a brain injury includes a huge silver lining. My studies have revealed that the brain is the 'portal' to the material world, which when rendered deficient, leaves us (well, myself anyway) strongly conscious of the spiritual world. Acceptance of this has recently brought me from hell to heaven. Sure, living in this materialistic culture sucks, but I find most people strongly envy my spiritual connection and the 'wisdom' it brings.

I am at the early stages of figuring out how to marry the strengths and weakness I have in life, but also quickly shifting toward appreciating the journey itself.

Peace my friend.

Frank